That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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