You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
