it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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