please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
