In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
