eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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