my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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