Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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