We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
