the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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