piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
