I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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