a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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