I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
