I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
