My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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