dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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