This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
