i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
