Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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