Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
