so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
