i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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