Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
