Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
