i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
