why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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