I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
