I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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