i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
