thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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