You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
