I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
