already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
