i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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