As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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