i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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