so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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