It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
