White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
