piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have demons in me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
