and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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