just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
