I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
