OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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