There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
