I think I won the penis lottery.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
