thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
