Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
