I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
