In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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