Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
